Control

Gods

Demons

Ancestors

Karma

Mother Nature

Father Time

Desires in our hearts

Thoughts on our minds

Choices

Fate

A bloodline’s curse

Aliens

Chemicals in legal and illicit drugs

17th December, 2016

Troubled (contains expletives)

What troubles me that I cannot sleep?

Which of these things could it be?

Is it the tingling in my fingers

that I awake with mainly during the cold season?

Is it the “you should see”

instead of the “please join me” in admiring the radiance presented by the night sky?

Could it be that the goddess of the night

is fucking with my emotions as she fills the sky with light;

pulling on my emotions’ strings like the manipulation of the tides?

Maybe it’s the pain in my back – I’m missing my side

Sacrificing my position of comfort to reduce the chance of blood on my inner thighs

I’m feeling compulsion so great I disturb the peace trying to access ice in a bottle

Banging away to get the pieces small enough to exit the portal through which its liquid form has not trouble flowing

Contemplating – fuck this banging about – I should just cut it open

I’m loathing my body

Standing before the mirror I wonder

When did  I start to feel disgusted with the hair on my middle?

I remember a time I loved playing in those curls

Now I wonder why the couldn’t the hair between the 2 symbols of birth be more like that above my navel

Shorter

Thinner

Straighter

Why do my curls make me think of balled up fists – anger

I turn sideways

I’m disgusted with the way my lower stomach protrudes

The pouch

The fanny pack that holds nothing but fat

Disgusted, yet unwilling to do what is necessary to reduce its girth

Here I go

Toasting a piece of butter bread

Food to quiet the unrest in my head

Unrest whose source is still unknown

I should probably try to meditate

Or try to fall back into the sleep zone

But I don’t feel like trying to fight the negative feelings

Nor do I feel like trying to figure out the reason

So I lay

Troubled I stay

Hoping the feelings will dissipate as night/early morning merges into day

 

15th December, 2016

Grapes, Potato, Ceiling Fan

Woke up feeling less than grand

Is this stuffiness the work of the ceiling fan?

Or something more sinister…

A virus by a mosquito delivered – I hope it’s not the latter

 

I cough and a rattling startles me

What is this sound coming from my chest cavity?

What is this yellow stuff I’m bringing up?

 

Got to act fast.  Measures I must take

A loved one advised I eat an entire bag of grapes

I try some green tea

Plus turmeric and honey

I feel slight relief

But moments later I feel the pain of defeat

 

Muscles and head ache and eyes are sore

A few days later I’m at the doctor’s door

Medicines and rest they’ve prescribed  so hopefully better I’ll feel

If only I knew, discomfort is just beginning to take the wheel

 

Why do I still feel like crap!

My stomach is now under attack.

It’s filled with air like it feels it’s a balloon

Refuses to release any, like it’s planning to float high enough to touch the moon

 

No appetite and my mouth feels dry

Not even water can bring me that sigh of relief

My stomach and intestines won’t stop causing me grief

Bloating, constipation and diarrhea alternately

 

I’m desperate

Serious measures it’s time to take

Aloe and orange juice blended up

Bitter concoction but fill the cup

Oh gosh!  My stomach now vex for real

To drink that again there is no appeal

Let me try to tackle it with a meal

 

Tomatoes, potatoes, carrots, pumpkin, beans

sweet peppers, onions, garlic, celery

Grilled lemon, ginger, turmeric, bay leaves

Vegetable stock

A stove and a pot

Simmer

A hopefully healing soup for dinner

26th November, 2016

 

Pop, Garnish, Caramel

Her little kisses make her mother smile

For she garnishes each one with something sweet

Yesterday it was the pop of a gum as she ran off

Today, a sticky residue of caramel like a stamp left upon her cheek

6th November, 2016

Colour blind

An officer’s plea

Manslaughter over murder

My intent was not to assassinate what you call

An innocent brown skin brother

I would never purposely put down a human being

Also, I have a condition

a sort of colour blindness

Too dark a shade looks like the bulls-eye of a target

So you see, your honour, I was compelled

That is why the nigger fell

I mean, that’s why the black man fell

 

His family is crushed

By the system they feel deceived

How didn’t they see the danger

When they put a gun in the hand of this monster

If this colour blind excuse they really will accept

In future officers need to be given a test

For to not recognize a black man as more than a target

Let’s not sugar coat it, that’s a whole lot of bullshit

“I would never purposely put down a human being?”  What exactly are you trying to say?

How can a higher pigmentation take your status as a human away?

Forget the prison

In a straight jacket is where this officer needs to spend the rest of his existence

He is obviously insane

 

But will the system admit their fault in his selection?

At the end of this trail will we see justice delivered in the conviction?

The answer to this question will never be revealed

For in the court house this case will never be seen

Damn shame but sadly that’s the reality

 

Commenced 20th October

Completed 21st October

Written under the Open Mic theme “Black Lives Matter”

Driving woes

Anxiety consumes me

so functioning eludes me

Sadly in this case repetition does not breed confidence

Only further stress

Bumper and guard rail denied a kiss

Thanks to the quick action of the instructor’s wrist

Pedestrians missed on crossings

Hand brakes needed again, my errors daunting

The session over

But the stain of failure still courses through me

Like hungover morning, except not preceded by and experience of freeing up

My legs as I walk away threaten to give way

I’m slightly nauseous

My whole body feels weak

I slowly chant left foot, right foot, repeat

And finally

I’m home

15th October, 2016

Will?

My body I would gladly give to you

But it comes not in isolation

My mind, heart and soul also require your attention

Are you willing to help me heal?

Are you able to stroll on this beaten road with me?

Will you help me when I stumble?

Will you point me to the light of hope when my tunnel vision only lets me see the walls that crumble?

commenced: 10th October, 2016

concluded: 15th October, 2016