Procreation thoughts

What if it is not about our mental or psychological readiness?

Perhaps we were meant to be like animals:

  • Body starts the egg assembly line
  • Hormones create attraction for procreation
  • Females check out what males have to bring to the table
  • Males demonstrate what they have to offer with the aim to impress
  • Female chooses mate and procreation occurs

Younger persons bodies seem to snap back…is this because this is when it was really meant to occur?

Which animal would we be meant to emulate if that were the case? I would suppose some other mammal.

Most don’t look about having children again until the present set have matured enough to show they can take care of themselves, right?

In the animal world that usually happens before they can procreate but in the human world we believe with the start of procreation also comes the ability to really reason and think deeply enough to start building that mature thought.

Why is it so different?

Do we the thinking creatures really have it right?

Are we overestimating the developmental time and underestimating the ability of preteens?

Or is this lengthy maturity growth time the cost of thought evolution in humans?

(Random thought inspired by no love for my post pregnancy body and the difficulty in restoring it to a fitter looking version without the aid of drugs or surgery)


The therapist said I have symptoms of depression.

I have to agree with her.

What it is like for me:

I wake up feeling sad, worthless and upset with everything.

Everything irritates me but I don’t want to address anything in this state of mind because I think I will overreact.

I am angry with myself for not being able to identify why I am feeling how I feel.

I am angry with myself for feeling low when I don’t have a real problem like many people around me do.

I feel worthless for having no real desire to do something greater with my life, to develop the skills I have, to seek more education, to research so I can be better at the things I feel mediocre at.

I feel disgust for the thoughts that I can never be so good, do so well so why bother when I admire others stepping out on the limb and taking the chance to do the thing they love and are great at in my opinion.

I desire a gallon of cookies and cream ice cream to momentarily drown my sorrow even though I know I will be filled with guilt after and despise myself for making my weight gain worse.

I want to lie in bed and eat junk food all day even though lately junk food has not been helping.

I feel afraid I will have to rely on medication to overcome this…

I’m not saying


I’m not saying I don’t like you
I’m just saying I would unplug your life support to make a pot of coffee
It would have to be a quick pot though
So I could plug it back in and pour that coffee on your penis and testicles
Peel your eyes open and stare straight into them
So as you feel the burning over every inch of your weapon
You could be brought back subconsciously to this realm
To remember
So you would know I got my revenge
You piece of shit rapist

23rd November, 2018


The haunting

As much as I miss the benefits
I can’t get past the images
– they stain my brain
I can’t get past the feelings
– they burn my soul
I am no longer whole
A poison with everlasting effects
And though the masquerader has left
I still feel his presence
like an abandoned house that is never empty

17th November, 2018


Past the surface

Understanding and clarity evade me constantly

Words whose meaning are layers deep but I can’t see past the surface

Like looking for the bed through murky waters without my second pair of eyes

Is that even really water?

I am uncertain

3rd August, 2018

This was a reflection after reading several poems in the chat and having several poets comment on the deepness of lines or entire pieces.  I was unable to interpret the poems as deeply as many others or even to understand what some poets were trying to portray so felt very insecure.



None of these are titled.  They were all created on the day the poetry group decided to play with haiku.  I didn’t know at the time that haiku tend to be themed about nature so none of my attempts follow that rule, only the syllable rule 5/7/5


Gosh! Oh my goodness!

You all are freaking awesome

I wish to be same

The following three are related to an incident where a poet (April) exclaimed at open mic to a twin:  You act like you don’t see your brother all the time – you have the same face!  They all include some dialect


You wahn hear bout laugh

I never laugh so much yet

“You have the same face!”


I laughing til now

Five small words, yet so funny

“You have the same face!”


I can’t stop laughing

April is a trip mehson

“You have the same face!”


But wish it I do

Is insanity so bad?

Insane poems rock!

Commenced:  26th July, 2018

Concluded: 27th July, 2018

Filled space


I sat inside an empty room
Slowly my eyes revealed
Emptiness I did not feel
I was enough
I felt I had the confidence
to run away and never look back
But you opened the door
Forcing all of me out like a flash flood
Drowning me in the emptiness I have always felt under your cold stare
The corners of your mouth curled slightly
As the fire dimmed in my eyes
You closed the door behind you
With my final fighting breath
I drove a blade into my heart
Replacing your emptiness with the red of my dying spark

10th November, 2018